The night of the rape.
This may be triggering and pretty intense and somewhat graphic.
(I suggest reading the prior post to this in order to understand this)
My new friend and I walked into #2’s house. Instead of just seeing my ex and #2 sit there, there was another girl. A girl from the party the weekend before. She didn’t like us. And there was immediate tension. I sat beside my ex and started texting him and my new friend. I asked him why she was here, and I told her our plan was ruined. Then the boys and my new friend and I went into the bedroom, we talked. We told them that as long as she’s here we won’t do anything. My ex tried making a move on me and I said no. Then the girl from the previous party walked in (I’ll call her “C”), she demanded that the guys would go take her to a haunted house. So they left and the new friend and I were left behind.
We roamed through #2’s house looking for food or drinks but of course there was nothing. So we just sat and watched TV. Then #2’s brother walked in (I’ll call him “W”). He came to get some alcohol and we convinced him to stay. We ordered some pizza, had a silly string fight and played hide and seek in the dark. We just goofed around, it was fun. And I made out with him. Not because I liked him, but because his brother ditched me.
Then the guys and “C” came back. The mood was different. We sat on the porch and my ex told me I should leave. “C” locked the door and I told her to let me get my stuff. Then she and #2 told me we didn’t have to go. We could stay. But they kept telling “W” to leave, and he asked me to go, I didn’t go because I was upset and angry, my plan was being ruined and this night wouldn’t be a “party”. At this point I just wanted to sleep.
So I went into the house and I talked to #2. I told him that I would go change and that afterwards we should watch a movie, he said “sure”. I went into his mothers room, which was the room he stayed in, and I changed. I put on a man T-Shirt and some shorts. Then I went into the bathroom and washed my face. I walked into the living room and no one was there, I went on the front porch and everyone was gone. I looked through the house, and they left. I thought they went to get some food or alcohol. So I started texting my best friend, Nate. I told him that if the others didn’t come back within 15 minutes I would leave. So meanwhile, I watched TV.
Then I heard a car pull up, I will never forget the sound that car made. The door opened and it was three guys. I knew them, but I didn’t completely know them. I told them that #2 wasn’t there and one of the bastards said “We know”. I didn’t think much of it. This house had an open door policy. The three bastards sat down, and I felt uncomfortable. I went into the mothers bedroom. I sat on the bed and kept texting.
One of them walked in. I figured he had to use the bathroom. But he sat next to me. He put my hair behind my ear and he kissed me. I pushed him away and asked him what he was thinking. He told me to shut up, he shoved me and threw my phone. Very loudly I said “What the fuck?”. Then the second guy came in. I looked at him thinking he would pull his friend away, but instead he placed his hands on my left shoulder and told me “Just don’t make this hard”.
At this point my mind is going crazy. I know what is happening. But I’m thinking it can’t be true. Something like this shouldn’t happen in real life. I thought about the fact that I wanted my friends to come back and save me.
I said “#2 is about to be back”. The bastard didn’t care. He sat above me on the bed with one knee on each side of my thighs and he told me to unzip his pants. I said ‘No!’. I tried sitting up but I couldn’t. The second guy’s grip got harder and harder. He said “Unzip my pants, you dirty whore”. I replied “Over my dead body”. He unzipped his pants and I saw he was aroused.
I was just thinking about how sick he had to be to be doing this. When I saw that he was serious I didn’t know what to do, except to fight.
The third guy entered the room, I gave him a pleading look. He didn’t care. He stood in the back and held my legs when I tried kicking in order to free myself. The first bastard opened my pants. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. There wasn’t any hesitation. He said “you’ll enjoy this, bitch”. And after I figured out that I couldn’t fight anymore with my body, I started throwing words at them all. I insulted them, I told them how psychotic they are and I warned them that the guys would be back any minute.
Inside my mind I knew that no matter what I’d say, they wouldn’t stop. But I kept hoping. I didn’t know things would get much worse.
He pulled down my pants and forced himself inside of me. It hurt. I tried to move, but the one guy was hold my shoulders and the other one was holding my legs. I couldn’t move. They laughed. He was on top of me like a ton of bricks. I tried biting his face and I kept insulting them. Nothing helped.
I was powerless, but I wouldn’t give up. I was hoping that someone would walk in.
After telling them how worthless and dirty they must be to have to rape someone to get some ass, he pulled out a knife. He licked it and then he held it against my neck accompanied by the words “Shut the fuck up you dirty whore”. Tears started rolling down my cheek as his thrusts became harder and more hurtful. I started pleading. I told them that I was a virgin, that I was my sisters best friend and that I didn’t want this. I begged them to stop. And all they did was hurt me more. He called me a whore, slut, bitch and a c*nt. He told me that no one would ever love me and that he loved to hold on to my curves. He said “Baby, moan for me” and I laid there in silence while tears poured out of my eyes. He got off me, but the others kept holding me.
I thought it was over. But it was just another turn.
When he got off me, I saw that I was bleeding. The second guy took his turn and I can’t tell you how long it lasted. But I closed my eyes and kept asking them to stop. No one cared. He kept going, and the things they would say to me, kept getting worse. They explained to me how easy it would be to kill me. And then he got off.
My body gave up the fight. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling and my words became weak.
The third guy took his turn, by the time he was done I couldn’t feel anything. I was going through a mental countdown. 1….2……and now I’m done with 3. But I didn’t expect that number one would want another turn. The blade of his knife pressed firmly against my neck. I thought it would cut me. I wish it did. He raped me again, and my last words were “Stop raping me you bastard” he laughed, got off and I pulled the blanket over my molested broken body.
Then the second guy picked me up, and threw me in the shower. The first guy yelled after me “Babe, you better wash up, you’re bleeding.”
I’m not aware of what I was thinking at this point. I was just a raped girl sitting in a tub crying.
I heard them eating pizza, and then their footsteps lead outside and the door closed. The car drove away. I quickly dressed myself. I threw all my things in my bag. Looked for my phone grabbed the pizza and called my mom.
I told her things weren’t going good and I wanted to come home. She picked me up.
I felt dirty, I was broken. I was raped. A whore. A slut and no one would ever want me. I knew I was killed that night. I was an empty molested body. My soul was gone.
[Writing this was torture. Its the most detail I’ve ever revealed about October 30th 2010. I’m really emotional and this blog might be scrambled. But this is my way of healing]
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